can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
