Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
