Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
