i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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