uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
