My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
