he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
