i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
