Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
