True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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