I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When are your genitals available?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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