You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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