even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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