Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
