Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
