my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
