Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
