butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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