My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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