Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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