Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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