Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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