I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
