party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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