try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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