i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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