i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
