I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
