I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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