i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
