Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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