i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
