fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
