I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
