seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
