So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
