The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
