I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
