Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
