I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
