my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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