so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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