last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
