we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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