After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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