i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
