How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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