mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
