the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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