dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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