tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
