You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
