Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
