He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
