a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
