I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
