Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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