He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
