i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
