I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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