He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Text me some of your sweat
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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