I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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