i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
