Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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