epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
