I just saw a hot homeless man
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
