I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
