My liver just broke up with me...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
