i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
