jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I did not marry a roomba.
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