I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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