if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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